One year ago today, I sat here and wrote this.
Well, not here exactly.
You see, I've moved.
My life has changed so very drastically in one year, as I read that post it felt like... I was reading something I had written much longer ago than one year. One year ago I had only daydreams and wishes, only imagination and small quiet hope that what has happened to me this past year would ever, EVER happen.
I have forgotten what its like to sit and type words that are bubbling and bursting from somewhere inside of me where magic still exists. I cant explain how it feels, maybe you all have something that makes you feel so free that it makes you wonder if you were made to do it.
I cant figure out why something that makes me wonder such a thing has the power to torment me, trap the words inside of me as I sit and try to write them down, and repeatedly erase the evidence as if scared of saying it the slightest bit wrong. Its like having all these thoughts and feelings and emotions and doubts and hopes inside of you, and you NEED to tell them to a person but you wonder if it even matters how you say it, if they don't have any of the same little spark of magic inside of them too they wont really understand a word. That's what I feel like writing on this blog sometimes. I can see the words but theres no SPARK. These words that I write make sense to me because they are mine, but what if somebody reads this long extensive paragraph with something else on their mind and doesn't feel a word I say? I guess what should that matter to me. :) I write for me, not my readers. I feel unworthy that one person would open my little blog page and read and get it, really Get it.
I read my hopes about 2013... some of them made my heart ache abit, some made me cringe and wish I had tried harder, some made me nod and smile bittersweetly.
and now its gone. One year ago, and it feels like jus last week or yesterday. Time happens. People change, and I have changed. Change scares me, but I've had the most wonderful changes happen to me in the last few months that I could have imagined;)
I now have a dashing husband that I feel more love for than I ever imagined was humanly possible.
I get to go places with him and it feels like an adventure. :)
I now live in a teeny little blue house with him, in a little village across from a little store.
Its adorable. :) Right now im sitting in front of a roaring woodstove with twinkly lights around me and all my favorite colors eating cinnamon hard candy from Christmas time. :)
I have a whole new set of family to celebrate Christmas and Life with including a brand new baby niece that is the cutest thing you ever laid eyes on!
The best day of my life happened this year, September 15th 2013 was the day I married Kris and my whole life changed.
Its been a Wonderful year.:)
Heres to 2014, which we hope is as Special:)
P.S. I promise to write more. Ive missed you.
P.P.S Please hold me to it.
Wednesday, August 21
I'M GETTING MARRIED!!!!
In 24 days.
His name is Kris, and I've been in Love with Him for quite some time now;)
And He's the sweetest, Handsomest, funniest, kindest, most Lovely Man in the world!!!
Theres no physical way to tell you how absolutely HAPPY I am and how Unworthy I feel and how completely Wonderful He is....
I am one Lucky Lady!!!
So I've been spending my time daydreaming and trying to work and planning a wedding and ordering stuff for the little blue house that I will join him in after September 15th....:):):)
And of course just being with Kris and spending way too many hours sending out 400ish invitations to hither and yon all over the planet.
God is Good and I am Happy and Oh, So BLESSED!
Monday, July 1
The days when heads pound, darkness settles around and the Grey snatches me in its frosty grip.
The days when the thoughts swirl, questions hound, worries sneak closer and closer.
Hope threatens to escape, doubts start to drown me in their incessant wailings.
When wonderings start nagging, old demons remember me and come after me with a vengeance.
Here's to my God.
Here's to HIS Power that can overcome my Doubt and Fear and Despair.
To look Satan in the eyes and let him see MY God.
And to watch him cower in fear and run in horror.
Here's to Hope.
This is a small bunch of words that i wrote off the top of my head... Do You know those days too? They try to scare me. They try. And they do often. Until I remember that I have a God that is SOOO much Bigger than anything I will face in my life, and slowly Hope starts warming up the little icey scared bits of my heart and bringing back Peace:)
Also this post scares me because its personal so its probably gonna be one of those that I QUICKLY finish typing and press Post with my eyes closed just so I don't chicken out lol.
I'm never sure whether to get okay with the fact that I only post once a month MAX or set a schedule cos schedules always never ever work for very long for me and I hate feeling sad about not posting. :)
Also I'm rather insecure about posting when I go this long without.*blush* Like..perhaps their boring (which wouldn't really matter cos you'd just be ignoring them anyhow) or... I don't know... boring... or... yeah.
Its CANADA DAY! woohoo! :)
Happy Canada Day to all you Canadians, Americans, Ukrainians, and Everyone else who lives far, wide or in-between!!! :)
I'm so very very lucky to live in such a wonderful peaceful place.
I just wanna ask you all to Pray along with me for all the lonely people in the world that are lost and searching for Hope and Light right now and something, anything secure to hold on to. The ones who need special comfort and peace. Thanks;')
I need Ideas for things to talk about. If anything, ANYTHING comes to your head you should tell me below and then maybe I'll have motivation and inspiration to start talking to you all more;)
Tuesday, April 30
Wavelets of light,
splintering through my secret reverie.
Slanting rays tug my wandering imagination to the sky...
Swirling and twirling
through cotton candy clouds...
Feathers brush my skin and pull my arms out for flight.
My eyes drift shut.
I don't see anymore;
It tastes like Joy filling my lungs, tinged softly and sweetly with hope.
Inhaling liquid sunshine
Whisps and tinges of fluid overwhelming warmth.
Dollops of rainbow
twirl around me,
The Happy blurs my vision.
Laughter echoes with the breeze.Raindrops tickle my nose, and i watch a giggle
spring touches my smile.
Painting by Amberlynn .
"Reality is a lovely place, but I wouldn't wanna live there."
Wednesday, April 17
.....I do realize this is the first time I've talked to you, here, since last year. :)
I'm not sure if that's good or bad yet. *blush*
You have blown my Mind.
In so many ways, this has been the most up and down, wonderful, indescribable year of my life.
Absolutely crazy and mindboggling and .... * exhales and shakes head* just.... what a ride.
I hope you all still remember me. :)
I have gone to Manitoba and to Florida. Both of which were ABSOLUTELY unforgettable. Completely monumental. I have a PASSION for Travelling. I want to go back to Haiti soon... And hope to go many other places in my life. Iv been to all ends of North America, But other than that just Ukraine and Haiti.
Wanderlust has me by the heart.
I'm not sure where I'm going with this ramble. Its been so long since I've just sat here and typed, the clacking of the keys soothing my frazzled brain.
Im longing for summer with every inch of my being. Homesick for balmy nights and magical moments.
God is a very very special part of my life. He has been working with me and teaching and instructing me in so many ways, and yet more than ever i feel so small and scared. I let go of His hand only to start drowning, and over and over, He patiently and quietly pulls me out of the swirling mass of hopelessness. He has given me So Much.
I feel like I am barely dipping my toes into the edge of the waves of His majesty.
I have so many reasons to smile, so many reasons to live in absolute JOY and Happiness!! He has blessed me so Richly. And I will never ever be able to explain to you how it amazes me.
I don't know what this year will hold for me, but I have faith it will be for the Best. Life is a once in a life-time experience, and every minute you worry or be sad is 60 seconds of Joy you missed out on!!
Oh how i wish for my thoughts to spill forth onto this blank screen like I imagine they could...
I want to start writing again. Like i used to be able to. Every now and then i get a little glimpse of inspiration and of hope that I can do that. I wonder where my ability went to. But I will keep trying. Writing is therapy for me, But for the last very long time I've been just keeping the stress and emotions and thoughts inside.
I will pray for the continuous outpouring of ink to happen, on my poor overloaded brains behalf. :)
I hope to be more present here. Who knows what the future will hold. :)
How I've missed You all:)
I wish you all HOPE and happiness:) Breathe in the intoxicating scent of this Precious Life before... before you're watching it leave a memory.
<3 from, a dreamer