PEACE.

...Tear stains on an empty page
            Telling the story more beautifully than any words could ever hope to...

A Story of Grief,
                        of Pain.
A chapter of Trying to forget.
Innocence ribboned through the entanglement of a Young precious life.
Restlessness.
Whispers of Knowing, 
                        Of being torn;
Telling of a deep empty Hopelessness
           Being buried Alive.

THEN
       Suddenly,
                         A Love Revealed!
                                           A Glorious, Wonderful Light,
                                                         Illuminating the deepest shadows hiding in the corners.
Forgiveness,
                  Oh How I could not even Tell you!!

And Peace.
 It took my breath away.

A story of total security,
Nestled in the arms of The Maker Himself.
The Wonder escapes my explanation!
The Love in His eyes
                as He Tenderly Held the very Zane of His existence.
The silent message of Absolute Acceptance.
The Whispers of Hope that echoed throughout the little room..

I Knew I would Never forget...

A Mighty, Crashing Waterfall of Peace.
Splashing..
         Engulfing.
I felt It Abrasively Removing the layers of dust that for so long I had neglected
Until Nothing Remained.
Stripped Free of everything that once I had used to Hide behind;
        
I Stood
             Renewed.
In being so Loved,
                      My Unworthiness Revealed.
Because of Grace,
                   UnFathomable Grace...
                                       I Now Know Freedom.


Dedicated to Amberlynn.

Remember...

                                                         Today is Remembrance Day.

 Even though I don't agree with war and fighting to make peace,

I still think it's important to respect and remember those who did, and died because of it.

 This poem has always intrigued me...

As I try to imagine an endless ocean of poppies, scarlet in the dying sun...

Rows of crosses. Stretching out into the horizon,

I can't see the beginning..

I can't see the end.  

Thousands of Men, Eager to die for Freedom.

I wonder how many knew.. that

True Freedom is only a whisper away.

In Flanders Fields
                   the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved, and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch, be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep,
though poppies grow
            In Flanders fields.

John McCrae

In This Storm...

In my Bibles little dictionary describes Hope as "Confident Expectation".
I've been thinking about Hope alot lately. Especially on the dark days, when i can't see anything secure for me to hold onto. When theres not a flash of Light, just endless, cold, damp Darkness. It washes over me, chilling me to the bone. I start to ache. I start to doubt. I wonder why it has to be like this. Why can't the sun just peek out from behind the layer of clouds, just for a small moment? But, I know that the sun IS there. Behind the clouds, Its there. I know this. I have unwavering confidence that the sun is exactly where it always has been.
Even in the darkest of the dark tunnels i have to walk through, I see that little strip of light at the end, that tiny little promise of something brighter ahead. A light in the window, A Hope. A LIVING Hope.
That day, long ago, when i Accepted God's Love and let Him rescue me, He gave me this Hope. He handed it to me, softly and gently. He smiled with His eyes. I saw True Love, tangible, for the first time.
"This is for you", He said. "To warm up your stiff frozen hands when you are chilled to the bone. When it seems like there's nothing else, remember this Hope. It will keep you alive. Nobody can ever take this from you. Break off little pieces, and give them to somebody who needs it, whenever you can. Live in a way so that people can see this Hope, and yearn for what I have given You."
So now, even when it seems like theres nothing left for me to live for, I have Hope. And I have God. He never moves, He's where he's always been. He never changes, We do.

This song is so special to me. In that moment that I am weakest, I need Him the most. And every time I've fallen, He has always been there, a whisper in the wind, telling me that He is with me and I don't have to be afraid. 
Never Lose Hope, my Friends.<3





I was sure by now, God,
You would have reached down
           And wiped our tears away,
    Stepped in and saved the day...
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining.

I remember when
              I stumbled in the wind...
                       You heard my cry to you
           And you raised me up again.
My strength is almost gone... 
How can I carry on,                
              If I can't find You?
But As the thunder rolls
       I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
                      "I'm with you!"     And as Your mercy falls..
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
                                  And takes away!

[Chorus:]And I'll praise You in this storm
                       And I will lift my hands...
   For You are who You are
           No matter where I am!
               And every tear I've cried,
You hold in Your hand!
      You never left my side..
And though my heart is torn,
       I will praise You in this storm!

Nostalgia...

Muted creaking:
     A door slowly opening.
Apprehensive,
              I pause.
                        .....
Unsure of what I'm stiffly waiting for..
         My vision blurs.
             My heartbeat,
         Echoing off those well-known cement walls,
                                         Finally Clatters to a halt on the cold empty floor.

A heavy hush,
                    The Silence whispers a faint familiar lullaby in my ear
                           "Remember Me?"

Violent Waves,
          A crashing Tossing Tide of frothing memories,
                               Almost pulling me under.
                     UnSteady
                                   Grasping for something to hold onto,
Grabbing at Empty spaces.
         
   Vehement Undercurrents of Nostalgia
                           Convincingly, Pulling,
                                                   Dragging..
 A tinge of BitterSweet lingers in the air
                         Coating my Tongue.
      suffocating me.
Plummeting,
          Tumbling through my detached body.

Saltwater,
        Dripping softly...
     My hand silently grazes the droplets off my face. 

An old friend, tugging on my arm
             Begging,                                       
                                                        "Please!   Don't Forget...   "
Leaving me breathless,
    Wishing to never leave.
                   Just to Remember...   Forever...





Hey guys;)
Yesterday I revisited the place where i spent half of my life,
My old school. I opened one of the doors, and the smell came whooshing at me,
And it made me remember. Like yesterday.
So many memories, so many old familiar smells...  
It was quite nostalgic.
I had to tell you about it.
I had to let you feel it with me.
...<3

Just out of Reach

Today...
       i seem to be living,
But somewhere else. Where noone else exists.
                 It's just...
                                Me.
          
  A distant tide
                    tickles close to my toes...
tugs at them softly than glides away waving at me. 
                         "catch me if you can"  it whispers...
Distant daydreams pull me away from reality
                     A blue jay flitting before my frosty gaze
         I'm floating...                             lost in a song that nobody else seems to know..
                 eyes wide.      unSeeing...
                                                           .......
           A ballroom of dancing dreams
                                              Twist and sway
                        Before my eyelids..
     twinges of remembrance,
                               A memory.             
                                         it twinkles just out of grasp, and teases me fluttering closer..
                                                                                                                         than...
                                                                                                                                 Darts away.
                                                                                                                                             ..giggling.
  Enchanted Evenings                         
                   and early morning memories,  waking up to the smell of make-believe.
                                          wispy hints of the day before. 
                                  Hovering.... just above my starstruck vision
                                                             Nudging me awake.
  Telling me a story that i almost wonder..
                                                     If I've heard      Before..
                                                                             
                                                               ..Once upon Time..     

               
                 ....But then again....
                              Maybe I'm Just a Dreamer.
                                              
                                                

Something MUSHy...

  Heehee get it? Get the title? nudge nudge:)
This is kind of a cool pic i thought to myself... I don't enjoy mushrooms to snack on because personally I think they taste like boiled slugs so.. that kind of takes away the initial excitement for ME personally, not that there was any...
*awkward cof* 
But i do enjoy this picture. It's such a cute mushroom just standing up for what he believes in, all alone. I'm proud of him. He did the right thing.

Also it has been brought to my attention that maybe i should use spell check more often, as APPARENTLY.. my previous years of being a spelling genius have diminished rapidly since graduating..  Brooke brought this to my attention and by "brought this to my attention" I mean she kind of made immense fun of my lack of... skills...  And kind of, you know, um threw it in my face.. So i just want to APOLOGIZE ABOUT THAT RIGHT NOW too all you perfectionists out there, (*cof* Carson*cof).  So yeah.. Maybe i'll go back and change that. Yeah. I will. :)
K. Enough of that. 
So do you guys like mushrooms? Like.. to munch on?

Ponderings of a more InTRicAte nature.

"Your Own Mind is the Only Thing That can Hold You Victim."

  Its true, that phrase. Isn't it? Every day i go around thinking thoughts and opinions and bumble jumbled randomness. Every time i feel intimidated, frustrated, insecure, scared, petrified, judged, or just down, Its because i Let myself feel that way. The only one who can actually "change" the way i think is ME. Other people can bring ideas, egg me on, or even convince me to change my way of thinking in small areas, yet only I have control of whether i decide to believe them or not; agree with them or not. Or whether to say, "Okay so she did this, and she still has a meaningful relationship with God it looks like, so like.. probably I could TRY it at least.." There's a little niggling of guilt, but i kind of ignore it and chose not to chose. Choosing not to chose seems like the easy way out so often, but that ignoring the Holy Spirit once, can turn into twice and more and more so fast.
  God gave us the power of choice, so that when one of his little creatures decided to follow Him, it was because he CHOSE to. And because he Absolutely was in Love with God, and wanted whatever He wanted for him. In a way it seems so small, but that little teeny thing we let our self think and we let kind of frisk around in our brain and we get used to it and accept it, they could be the making or breaking of our destiny; or Heaven or Hell. That one little thing we decide won't matter because i tell myself its just a teeny thing, It shouldn't make a difference, or change anything, That alone could be the decision that takes me off of God's path. When suddenly our life is snuffed out, were not going to be thinking about that jacket that we wished we had bought. We're going to be hoping that we made the right decisions, cos at that time NOTHING else will matter. Not a thing. And if we haven't been living Absolutely for God and suddenly are disappointed, we'll wish we had just done that one little thing that one time differently than we did.
 
Sumfin spechul:  http://owlcityblog.com/2011/10/24/why-must-we-fall/

A particularly cheesy aftertaste threatens..

Drippp....

                a dollop of chocolate threatens to tumble..

falling..

            falling..

it glides slowly towards the ground,i reach for it,

but my finger misses. splat.

I stoop. With a tender gaze, I affectionately comfort the liquid smear whose life was so dramatically ended in front of my very eyes. My eyes water in sadness for all the experiences of living it missed.

Its young years were so cut short.

I cry.

       I have noticed that saying this poem/sad little story to ones self out loud, creates an almost.. hypnotizing atmosphere, and not in a fun way. In a "AHHH GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!" sort of way.

Its kindof traumatizing for all involved.

I'll leave it at that.

You probably notice i really suck at updating this blog regularly or even like... weekly.. but. Yeah. So now i leave this picture in your tender loving care for you to admire and gaze at wistfully.



                                                                      Goodbye My beignets peu de lard:)

P.S. I'm apologizing right here and now that you had to read this. For your safety you might want to look into getting a full time shrink if your going to continue to read my blog. Lol.

The Procrastination Joke of the Year

*COMING SOON*

Rosy wonderings.

Milky whisps of starlit clouds like streamers across the velvet sky..

creating a frosty pattern.......                                

 cold frosted windows,  

im cozy in both my warm attire and in my happyness.

So. Its getting chilly an frostyish. brrr. But during the day the sun glints off the vibrantly colored  trees, leaves losing their grip and cascading down to join their friends on the ground,

creating rainbow clusters that glint in the autumn sun.

...and don't tell anybody but im kina getting excited for Christmas.

;)

Cozyness calling out my name.

Family times around the fireplaces bursting with warmth, love and yummy food.

Celebrating what happened so many long years ago,

Joy, Happiness and wonder, coming alive.

Whats not to love!!!

I cant wait. :)